Chuck vs the Slash Fan Fiction
by AllIncestIsWincest
Summary: Chuck discovers Sarah's darkest secret: she's obsessed with slash fan fiction. In fact, the entire CIA is!


Chuck let out a gasp, his eyes nearly popping out of his head. He sank back into his chair, shock upon his face, as he considered the terrible implications of what he had just found. You see, Chuck had just discovered Sarah's greatest secret, the darkest part of her mysterious past: she was addicted to slash fan fiction.

He shuffled through the hundreds of slash stories he had found in Sarah's secret hiding place in their house. He gasped upon finding a dozen Spock/Captain Kirk stories, half of which where mpreg. He choked when he found the Harry Potter/Dumbledore fic, which was rated M for reasons best left unmentioned. He shook his head in horror and confusion when he saw the Gollum/Smeagol stories. Things even took a political turn with Sarah's many Dick Cheney/Joe Biden slash fics. However, none of this prepared Chuck for what he found next: Sarah had even written slash stories about people he knew, some of which were starring him!

"Oh, god, Chuck/Morgan? Casey/Captain Awesome? Big Mike/Jeffster?" Chuck shrieked. There was even one Chuck/The Intersect fic, but Chuck decided that he'd really rather not know how that worked.

"So, now you know," a voice from behind Chuck said. He spun around to find Sarah standing behind him. "I never wanted you to find out…"

"Morgan/Big Mike?" Chuck asked, waving one of the stranger slash fics in front of Sarah. "Chuck/Chuck's Dad?"

Sarah hung her head in embarrassment. "Okay, maybe some of them go a little too far, but not all of them are that bad."

"Fulcrum/The CIA?" Chuck asked. "I'm not sure that's even slash anymore…"

"Chuck! Agent Walker!"

Chuck spun around again to find General Beckman on his TV. "Beckman? What are…"

"Chuck, it's time you learned the truth," General Beckman said. "The truth… about slash fan fiction."

Chuck blinked. "Um…"

"Ninety-seven percent of CIA and NSA agents are addicted to slash fan fiction," General Beckman said, sadly. "I even admit that I am among them. Agent Walker was merely fulfilling her duty to her country by supplying such engaging slash fics. Personally, I don't know how I'd sleep at night without my daily does of Batman/Robin."

"Yeah, but does the CIA need so many Jeff/Lester fics?" Chuck asked.

"Actually," Sarah said, "Those ones are for historical documentation."

"Wait… Jeff and Lester are together in real life then?" Chuck asked. Just then, his eyelids lowered and his mouth hung ajar as he flashed on CIA held footage of Jeff and Lester making out in the Buy More break room. "Holy crap…"

"Yes, the Jeff/Lester fics are completely factual. Those, plus the Casey/Captain Awesome stories," General Beckman said. "That one was just a brief fling, though."

"Casey and Awesome?" Chuck said.

Sarah nodded enthusiastically. "I've been writing a sort of will-they-won't-they fic about them. Personally, I hope they get together in the end."

The doorbell rang. Chuck froze as Sarah walked across the room and opened the door. "Oh, hey, come on in!" she said. Morgan, Casey, Ellie, Captain Awesome, Big Mike, Morgon's mom, Casey's daughter, and Jeffster (in bright yellow unitards) walked through the door.

"You called us about an orgy, Sarah?" Captain Awesome asked.

"Yes, I think it's time," Sarah said. "Casey, did you bring the handcuffs?"

"Orgy? Handcuffs?" Chuck asked, eyes bulging.

"Yes, Chuck, a BDSM themed orgy," General Beckman said. "Slash stories can only appease the CIA for so long. Sarah and I have been talking about a movie for some time now. We really think it's just what the government needs to boost its morale. I'll be filming."

"Wha…?"

"Chuck! You will do your patriotic duty to your country and your spy team and have an orgy this instant!" General Beckman said.

"Come on, Chuck. There's no fighting the incredible attraction you and I have always had to one another," Casey said, putting his muscular arm around Chuck and caressing his shoulder.

"You wanted to be a spy, Chuck," Sarah said. "You should've been prepared for the fact that spy work is twenty percent orgies."

"This is just a dream, this is just a dream," Chuck said to himself as Lester and Morgan tore off his pants. Unfortunately for Chuck, it wasn't until about halfway through the orgy that he realized that, no, this wasn't a dream; the CIA was really just this weird. But by then, Chuck just couldn't bring himself to walk away from Big Mike's warm, inviting chest hair. But then again, who could?


End file.
